Sunday, March 9, 2014
Welcome to ConspiraC!!
Welcome to ConspiraC, where we work for your health needs. We guarantee that none of us have a degree in medicine, so you know you're in good hands!! We're glad to have you with us. Just remember: why prevent when you can invent?
We made the news!!
Today, ConspiraC reached an important landmark. We were nationally recognized on the news as the cause of one man's trip to the emergency room. He was experiencing severe stomach pain due to drug interactions. Our only regret is that the man never got a chance to refuse the doctors' help. However, perhaps it's best to take our success one step at a time. Hopefully, our next coverage will concern an outbreak of polio!
Vaccine Dangers
Did you know that the measles vaccine has a 1 in 30,000 chance of causing problems with blood clotting? Do you worry that the boatload of vaccinations your child will receive in his or her first year will hurt him or her? If so, you're in the right place. Welcome to all new ConspiraC users, and, to our loyal followers, welcome back.
Today, we'll be teaching you all about how and why not to vaccinate.
Why not?
-- The chances of rare side effects (like the blood clotting issues mentioned above) greatly outweigh the risk that your child will catch one of these diseases and die (for measles, the chance of death for young children who catch the disease is only 1 in 2000-- not so bad, right?)
-- Although aluminum and other elements are found in breast milk and other child-friendly substances, the trace amounts present in vaccines are a huge problem.
-- Who cares that the research demonstrating a link between autism and vaccination manipulated his evidence due to a conflict of interest? Something in his subconscious told him to change his results to PROTECT US. Don't let his work go to waste.
-- Because we said so.
How? Well, that part is easy. Simply avoid listening to any certified pediatricians or other physicians. As for the diseases, you have a few choices: pull your children out of school and activities whenever someone might be sick, intentionally expose your children to the diseases (especially good for chickenpox), or wait and see what Nature wants to happen. Who knows? Your child could end up with an exciting exotic disease!! There are no limits to the possibilities with ConspiraC.
Today, we'll be teaching you all about how and why not to vaccinate.
Why not?
-- The chances of rare side effects (like the blood clotting issues mentioned above) greatly outweigh the risk that your child will catch one of these diseases and die (for measles, the chance of death for young children who catch the disease is only 1 in 2000-- not so bad, right?)
-- Although aluminum and other elements are found in breast milk and other child-friendly substances, the trace amounts present in vaccines are a huge problem.
-- Who cares that the research demonstrating a link between autism and vaccination manipulated his evidence due to a conflict of interest? Something in his subconscious told him to change his results to PROTECT US. Don't let his work go to waste.
-- Because we said so.
How? Well, that part is easy. Simply avoid listening to any certified pediatricians or other physicians. As for the diseases, you have a few choices: pull your children out of school and activities whenever someone might be sick, intentionally expose your children to the diseases (especially good for chickenpox), or wait and see what Nature wants to happen. Who knows? Your child could end up with an exciting exotic disease!! There are no limits to the possibilities with ConspiraC.
Guest Post: mediguru95 on Allergies
Everything your doctor tells you could kill you. The only purpose of doctors is to reinforce the social hierarchy, in which we are ruled by pharmaceutical companies and physicians. In fact, without the medical system, we would all be much better off. That's why you can always come here, to ConspiraC, for in-depth falsehoods.
I'm mediguru95, and today I'm going to tell you about your allergies. Just look up your symptoms below. If you have questions, just contact me privately, and I'll be glad to provide my expertise. You know you can trust me because I never went to college. :) Peace.
If you...
wake up with a dry throat during the winter, you are probably allergic to cold weather.
sneeze when you walk into the sun, you are allergic to melons (especially watermelon.)
feel tired when you wake up, you are experiencing the symptoms of a wheat allergy.
choke on your own saliva, you are allergic to berries and nuts.
feel compelled to stay up past midnight working, you are allergic to sunlight (unless you have no reflection, in which case, you are a vampire.)
get headaches while working, you may be allergic to red meat.
-- mediguru95
I'm mediguru95, and today I'm going to tell you about your allergies. Just look up your symptoms below. If you have questions, just contact me privately, and I'll be glad to provide my expertise. You know you can trust me because I never went to college. :) Peace.
If you...
wake up with a dry throat during the winter, you are probably allergic to cold weather.
sneeze when you walk into the sun, you are allergic to melons (especially watermelon.)
feel tired when you wake up, you are experiencing the symptoms of a wheat allergy.
choke on your own saliva, you are allergic to berries and nuts.
feel compelled to stay up past midnight working, you are allergic to sunlight (unless you have no reflection, in which case, you are a vampire.)
get headaches while working, you may be allergic to red meat.
-- mediguru95
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